In the darkness, where knowledge fades, and the human mind sinks, my Grandma became a piece of paper hanging on the walls.
She then became a piece of paper that the wind left dangling on the walls of buildings. Then some kids wiped the papers away. Tore them apart. Threw them on the floor and stepped on them.
In the darkness, with the sun shining, I walked up the street towards Teta's house and asked her, "where are you now?" and no one answered. What did you do? Did you leave to a better place and leave us in this shit hole? You broke Jiddi's heart. His sadness is so intense I can hear it over the phone. You ruined our Eid.
In the darkness, in the bit where anger lives, I am mad at you and happy for you. I am happy because you deserve the rest that you finally set for. And I am mad because you left my mother and my grandfather. And now he is like an orphaned kid. He cries all the time and says you were snatched away from him all of a sudden. He probably wanted to say some things to you. What things are left unsaid to those who leave? And what would a person who is leaving say? To those we love, we say I love you. And to those we don't, we say nothing is worth it.
In the darkness, I meditate. Somebody asked if Aunt Soad doesn't talk anymore. "To say what?" I replied in silence. "To say what? You idiot." I told her without speaking. Live your life in silence and DO. It is better a thousand times.
2 comments:
sometimes I think every person who dies is transformed to a paper for few days then becomes a nothing... but to the close people they will always remain something, not directly after they die, but later, when we miss them every saturday because there is no one to visit anymore, when we miss them on eid day because there is no one to take flowers to and gather at.. when we miss them in ghazzeh because there is no one there that we have to go visit!!!!
This is well written and so thoughtful!! May Allah bless her and reward her paradise!
Post a Comment